Raising Kids in a World That’s Changing Faster Than You Are
Reflections on raising children in this fast changing world
Raising Kids in a World That’s Changing Faster Than You Are
The other day my son wanted a game, and from his point of view it probably felt very simple. All the kids in our family have games, the cover looked exciting and he could already imagine the fun he planned to have. What he couldn’t see, because he is still so little and not able to understand yet, was everything attached to it. The kind of content it would put in front of him, the habits it would inspire, the way it could “innocently” teach his heart to want what would one day enslave him. So I told him, no (as a dad I find myself saying that a lot). He was upset and I had to sit there and be the bad guy for a little while.
Those moments are not fun.
Don’t think that I’m the dad who has it all figured out. I grew up with Grand Theft Auto, Playboys under my stepdad’s bed, unmonitored phone usage, and questionable movies in the house. But, now all of it feels more constant for our kids. The world seems to press on them earlier than it pressed on us, indeed we’re all aware that it reaches them easier.
And being a dad in a world like that means accepting something: I‘m not always going to have every answer. But one thing I will do, even if it’s unpopular, I will continue to be here. I will listen, guide, model Christlikeness, and keep bringing my children back to what matters most: the gospel, the truth about the world, and God’s plan of salvation in Christ.
This will, by the grace of God, stay constant in this continually changing world. A lot of us grew up with some version of the idea that dad knows best, or at least dad can fix it. But now this idea seems to be fading in the minds of dads everywhere. New screens, new pressures, new fears, new temptations, all of it arriving before you even finish understanding the last thing. But our kids don’t need us to be experts on every new thing, rather they need us to be the one adult in the world who isn’t panicking, checking out, and acting as though the sovereignty of God expired when the culture got a little bit crazy.
One of my biggest frustrations right now is technology. Devices are everywhere, and “just put it down” just doesn’t do enough right now.
Why?
Because what we have in our grasp is powerful.
It gives the flesh everything it wants: entertainment, distraction, temptation, approval, and escape and it’s all living in one bright little rectangle. So when my son gets upset that I will not buy a game, I’m trying to do more than say no. I’m trying to help him learn limits, learn content dangers, and learn that not every desire deserves to be fed. That means we try to fill the house with better things too. Things like: toys, books, building materials, outside time, and face-to-face life. Scripture says, “All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything” (1 Cor. 6:12). That is a lesson my children will not learn from unintentional living.
Another thing that faces my children is fear. Children eventually ask the questions adults spend years trying not to think about. My son has worried out loud about losing us, about his parents dying, and about the future. Those moments can catch you off guard because you want to take the fear away, but you can’t.
Death will come one day and the world is broken, but Christ has entered death and came out the other side. The gospel gives us something stronger than fear of these moments as dads.
“Whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s” (Rom. 14:8).
That doesn’t answer every question, but it gives my kids something solid to stand on.
I’ve learned that the fundamentals of being a dad haven’t changed nearly as much as many would have us believe. Every father has been called to be the head of his family. He’s been called to be there physically and emotionally. God didn’t give him the ability to know everything. But, God called him to make disciples of his children who know about his great God. He called him to model patience, honesty, repentance, and trust in Christ.
“Fathers… bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
I love this verse and I’m constantly thinking about it. This command is given to fathers in this world that we are in. This uncertain world.
I may not keep up with every trend, get every thing right, but I can keep being their dad. I can keep loving Christ in front of my children. I can keep being the kind of father who doesn’t pretend the world is simple, but also doesn’t act as though Christ is small.
And neither should you.
Cling to Christ!
Good job dad!
When my son was little he taught himself to read Japanese so that he could understand the Pokemon cards that were so popular at the time. I knew the names of all 151 original Pokemon in Japanese so that I could play with him (and supervise).
When he started elementary school a new game was all the rage - it was darker, more spiritual, with more gothic looking images. He begged me to get it for him. I said, let's take a look at one of the starter packs. We went to the convenience store and got a pack of 10 cards and looked through them together. I asked him, "Do you think this will give you nightmares?" He said, "Yeah" and he decided not to buy them.
The key skill that we need to teach our children in this age of rapidly changing technology and ubiquitous online access is discernment.
I wrote yesterday a response to Pope Leo XIV's encyclical on AI. At the heart we need to be asking the question of each new thing, is this helping form my child into a relational human being.
https://drjonathanewilson.substack.com/p/human-formation-in-the-age-of-ai?r=1w04p2&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web