The Emphasis Needed

9 ways to emphasize discipleship and mentoring in our body

To emphasize discipleship and mentoring relationships within the ministry, leaders can use the following strategies laid out below. These were formed from the inspiration found in the family construct. As a father, discipleship has been more tangible to me than ever. We usually think of discipleship as a church thing, but as we read The New Testament, we see a large focus of the private life before the public. The New Testament even makes the “ability to lead a family” the qualification of leaders.

The reason is because our homes are where discipleship is most authenticated. Men can’t fake it for their family. The construct for discipleship is seen clearly in our day to day life. If we have disconnected families as a leader, we can probably assume we will do the same to our congregation. But on the other end,  if we want to empathize discipleship in our body, we must take the strategies found in the home and make them the emphasis for our congregation:

1. Modeling: Its important for the leaders in our churches to lead by example by actively participating in discipleship and mentoring relationships. Show through your actions the importance of investing in others' spiritual growth and development. To be a church who wants to grow men and women, we must be willing to get dirty. To first lead our families and then find other individuals to invest in. We see this in the aspect of child rearing as we seek to guide and teach our children.

I personally have a wife and two children. These are my main responsibilities. If I can’t handle this responsibility, I can’t expect to find myself validated to try mentoring with men in the body. We find the support for this idea in first Timothy 3:5.  We must model it where we are not seen before we will be successful where we are seen. We must promote family discipleship, first and foremost, then the ones who show success in this area, we encourage to allow others to be mentored by them. Modeling must happen in private to authenticate modeling in public. We can’t encourage the blind to lead the blind.

Now for the single men and woman: It must be pressed upon them to be avid readers of the scripture. They will then be able to give Christ-centered answers in their attempt to carry out this act of modeling. They also must be mentored. Mainly by men who have successfully cared for their families and are proven to be men of God. These men must also be encouraged to be active in listening and applying advice and structure. These things are to be modeled and then applied.

2. Identifying Potential Mentors: Identify individuals within the ministry who are proven to show a heart for discipleship and mentoring. Ones who already Model well.  Encourage and equip them to step into mentorship roles to guide and support others in their walk with Christ. The job of spotting  capable mentors should be taken very seriously. New converts should be considered to be mentored for a considerable length of time until proven to be trusted. This is vital in the authenticity of doctrine and conduct. Many men will stay at a church for a time and then leave, never to be seen again. This is very dangerous. We need faithful men. You can clearly see this by looking at a man who is faithful to his wife and children. If a man has shown complete failure in that area, he should be given a time to see reconciliation and a time to be proven as faithful. The idea to just throw anyone anywhere they feel “lead” is one that is sure to destroy and leave men and women wounded. We must slow down and be specific. This would mean shutting down ministries we can support. We need to build into the men before we can build into a ministry. A ministry without proven men, is no ministry at all. It’s a ticking time bomb.

3. Training and Equipping: Provide training and resources on discipleship and mentoring to both mentors and mentees. Offer workshops, seminars, and materials that teach effective discipleship principles and practices. The principles for what a disciple needs, can be found in the article titled: A life of a Disciple. The seminars and materials should only be ones that are biblically-saturated and not built on subjective feelings and motivational thoughts created by enthusiastic and witty men and women. Men and women need the word of God laid out before them. Anything that doesn’t provide this, we must avoid. We don’t need training that only makes people feel good, but training that helps people know the Bible and the God of the Bible. We don’t place our children in front of any show, but we seek to lead them with the best material we can give. This is the same with our people in or churches.

4. Matchmaking: No, this isn’t a dating article. We must build mentor-mentee pairings based on compatibility, interests, and spiritual needs. For example we don’t want a young man and young woman “mentoring” each other. This is unwise. Mentorship can become a very bonded relationship. So this can cause passions to arise if the people are paired in a careless way. I would suggest women mentor women and men mentor men. This is a very obvious view to most, but it’s important to mention. We also have to be cautious of the “appearance of evil.” An older married man cultivating a mentor-mentee relationship with a younger woman should be avoided. The man should aim to direct the woman to be mentored by trusted women. In order to help connect individuals who can benefit from a mentoring relationship and provide guidance on how to establish and maintain a fruitful mentorship dynamic. We don’t want to lead people into sin and we don’t want outsiders to assume a sinful relationship is occurring. The question for guidance on who to mentor could be, “Will my wife or husband be uncomfortable with this mentoring relationship?” Or for the single, “What will people around me assume about this mentoring relationship? Will it look sinful?” To have godliness modeled, we must care for the model to be Godly. In action, teaching, and appearance. This is crucial in the matchmaking process.

5. Setting Clear Expectations: Establish clear expectations for both mentors and mentees regarding the goals, commitments, and boundaries of the mentoring relationship. This is like the boundaries we give out of love for our children. For the best care, we can’t just “fling it.” This is especially connected to point number 4, above. Encourage regular communication and accountability to ensure mutual growth and support. We as a church have moved away from being around each other constantly. We now have consolidated all mentoring to one day a week. Without consistent guidance and accountability, mentorship will easily be dodged and hindered. Most men and women have low expectations of accountability in our churches today. We have the “my business is my business” mindset. We also see that “individuality” is placed over serious devotion to learning and living a life that is Christ-Exalting. This has stunted real depth in the body and has crippled discipleship. The goal is to be more like Christ. The boundaries are holiness and a strict devotion to the will of God, found in scripture alone. The commitment is to love for Christ and love for one another.

6. Regular Check-Ins: In the life of work and family we need to hold constant and intentional connection with those who we are mentoring. We can aim to schedule regular check-ins and “evaluations” to assess the progress and effectiveness of mentoring relationships. Individually and as a body. We need to provide opportunities for mentors and mentees to share feedback, address challenges, and celebrate achievements together. We as a body need the smaller circles to come together constantly. This is usually hindered by schedules. We live in a busy and work-filled environment. Men and women rarely respond to group messages, and this isn’t enough to maintain a deep growing group of Christ-centered people. We can look at the family aspect again and learn from that. A family is continually around each other, this is how depth is maintained. Family members go on vacations together. They support each other with food, shelter, and love. They have one goal, be a family. They don’t have “programs” or only meet one day a week. They are committed to each other. When they’re out in public it’s obvious that they belong to each other. It’s hard for things to go unnoticed as a family. When one member wins, the others rejoice. This is relationship and constant connection or “Check-ins” are a vital part of it. Without this the family will grow cold and only meet on the holidays. Sound familiar?

7. Group Mentoring Opportunities: Create opportunities for group mentoring sessions or discipleship groups where multiple people can learn and grow together under the guidance of experienced mentors. Again, the mentors must be well proven. Men “above reproach” men of honor. We need more men like this. Father figures who really care for the body around them. Not emotionally disconnected or treat the body as a Sunday occupation.

Create a sense of community and mutual support within these group settings. This is connected with training and equipping but, the difference is that it’s not just a class. It’s a scheduled time to really connect. Not in a superficial way. The men leading should build it in a way that promotes guidance and relationship. It’s like a father sitting down with his children and playing with blocks. He’s teaching, guiding, and caring for them. This may sound odd, but leaders who lack genuine love will produce “stiff” congregations. And wont have genuine needs expressed. The connection will be stunted.   

8. Encouraging Vulnerability and Authenticity: Create a safe and supportive environment where mentors and mentees can be vulnerable, share struggles, and seek guidance without fear of judgment. This doesn’t occur overnight. This is also why we have the large need for Godly men. The back-biting and the petty arguments don’t cultivate this environment. The fighting over ministries and the hierarchy mentality will NOT produce this environment. Carelessness is a pill for death in a congregation. Encourage authenticity and transparency in mentoring relationships to foster deeper connections and Christ-exalting growth. Men and women who are “perfect” are not qualified to be leading other men and women. We must stop pretending and start being genuine. We need men who spend time kneeling at the cross, not men who claim to walk on water.

9. Prayer and Spiritual Support: Make prayer and biblical comfort a normal part of  discipleship and mentoring relationships. Encourage mentors and mentees to pray together, seek God's guidance, and rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment in their interactions and decision-making. Encourage your children to pray at dinner. Celebrate talking to God. Pray for those who are seeking your guidance and lead them to depend on God more than you. We are mentors, but not forever. The goal is to lead men and women to grow in maturity and holiness. To lead them to be God-centered and Christ-Exalting. This happens in environments saturated with prayer.

By making these strategies central and emphasizing the importance of discipleship and mentoring relationships within the ministry, Godly and proven leaders can cultivate a culture of spiritual growth, mutual support, and accountability that empowers individuals to mature in their faith and become effective disciples of Christ.