The Sinful Guiding The Sinful

A story of how Christ’s love for me helps guide and train my children. What I thought I knew and what I have come to learn and practice. Lying and happy meals.

Photo by Vii Nguyenn on Unsplash

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

Having children is a great blessing. I went into marriage not really sure what to expect. I thought I knew what it meant to have kids. I thought I knew what it meant to be married. I was excited to have little mini versions of myself running around. I knew they would have energy and say the oddest things. I knew that I would laugh and love being with them. I knew that they would make my life wild and unpredictable. I knew that I wanted kids.

Indeed, the thoughts were good but the reality was better. I knew things “mentally,” but when it actually happened, it was almost surreal. The joy and excitement outweighed everything I only knew in “thought” before. Indeed when the joy subsided for a moment, deep worry stepped in. I only considered part of the story. Like most humans, I only considered the good and how I would benefit.

More than this, I never considered the amount of responsibility that they required. I didn’t realize that I would have to lead them. I didn’t consider that they would be sinful like myself. I had heard about this in sermons and from older people around me, but it’s as though the idea left my mind as soon as it entered! This is frightening when you first realize its weight.

In some odd way, I thought they would do their own thing. I thought that I would almost be passive in the whole process. Now, I know this is silly, but I didn’t consider all these things. I also never considered the verse above and how to discipline and instruct anyone in the Lord. This verse was one that I knew “mentally” but never put into practice. I can barely instruct myself!

This reality hit me the day my son started walking and talking. It hit me again when my daughter followed behind him. I had to start planning on how to raise these kids! What a task.

One could say I’m like a stubborn mule. I have to get smacked a few times before I wake up for the work at hand. Before I was married, I considered myself a pretty selfless individual. I thought I had life figured out. Now, I realize that I don’t. I realize more of my sinfulness now than ever before. I realize the dream I had was only in part and now I have the full picture. I think this was part of the “waking up.” Indeed, it has become very helpful in working out how to discipline and instruct these little mini versions of me.

Realizing our condition as sinful is vital as a parent. More than this, realizing our need for our savior is the guidance in all our work. It keeps us humble. It keeps us dependent. It helps us not over react to our children’s sin. It keeps our minds stable. After this though, we have to set to renew our children’s minds and hearts with the word of God. I need to place the word of God as the main focus for all my families problems. With this, I need to set their focus on the importance in crying out to God in prayer. This has hit me deeply in my soul. The task at hand it to set true value in front of my wife and children and pray that Christ is exalted as treasure in their hearts. This is double-sided because I must constantly set my own heart on him. Indeed, hypocrisy is a thorn in any heart.

I recently had a scenario that I think may be helpful. I call this publication, “Everyday Theology.” Usually it’s my reflections on things I read and think about, but I do desire to show how I practically try to guide in the ordinary day to day life. How I can train and discipline my children in the Lord. I hope you find this encouraging and helpful.

The Toy That Revealed The Heart

I recently ordered my son and daughter McDonald’s through DoorDash. It was lunchtime and Saturday is a good day to have fun. The food arrived and the excitement is always high for the expectation of the legend, happy meal toy. The problem with the toy is that the food is readily forgotten and pushed to the side. With this in mind I brought the food to the table and said, “We have to eat our food or we will not get our toy.”

The questions automatically started flying, “What toy is it? What is it?” I was ready to amp up the anticipation, so I said “Oh, it’s good. It’s Mario!” The excitement and promises of eating their food came at me in all directions. They both sat down and started eating. It was soon apparent that the excitement for the toy had died down and the eating had stopped. I told them that I was going downstairs and that they can have the toy when they’re done.

Soon after going downstairs, my son made his way after me. He said, “Daddy, I’m done. See, look at my wrapper.” Indeed the wrapper was empty. I said, “Okay I’ll go up and look in a minute.” He seemed fine with this and his sister had made her way down the stairs as well. So, I went upstairs.

Now think of this verse while I tell you what happened next.

“Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.” Proverbs 12:17

I walked upstairs and it automatically occurred to me that the “evidence” was lacking. The little fry boxes were gone. I thought to myself, “They must have threw them in the trash. This is good.” So, I looked in the trash. Nothing. That’s strange. I looked in their bedroom. Nothing. “Where in the world did the boxes go?”

So I called down the stairs, “Buddy, where are your fry boxes?” The answer that I got was alarming. He yelled back, “What?” I asked again, “Your fry boxes, where are they?” And again, I hear, “What?” So I said again, “The fry boxes. Where are they?”

He made his way up the stairs with a little grin on his face. So I asked one more time, “where’s the other trash?” He said, “Oh, I put it in the bathroom because I wanted to get my toy faster.” I followed this little boy into our bathroom and he had the food hidden in a bag behind the bathroom door. I said, “Buddy, you realize you don’t get the toy now. You lied to me.” After hearing this, he ran to his room and cried.

Now, how do I handle this? I want him to know lying is a sin. I want him to know God hates lying. I want him to know he doesn’t want to become a man who is dishonest. More than this I want him to know that Jesus died for him and there is room to ask for forgiveness. Theres room to admit we sinned and seek reconciliation. All these things he had a chance to learn. I could discipline and train him in the way of the Lord.

So, he came downstairs awhile later and I called him over to sit on my lap. I said, “Buddy, lying isn’t a good thing. It’s sin and God hates lying. Let me show you what God says about lying.” I opened my Bible and read,

“Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” Proverbs 12:22

I said, “You see?” His little head went low and he said, “Oh.”

I said, “You don’t want to grow up and be a man who is lying to get what he wants. This kind of life isn’t good and God doesn’t like it.” I read him this verse,

“The righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace.” Proverbs 13:5

I explained that we should seek righteousness and seek Christ when we sin. I said, “I know you lied and you sinned. Do you know what you should do?” He said, “no, what?” I said, “You should ask God to help you and ask him to forgive you.” Then I read this verse to him,

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

After this his little heart prayed that he was sorry and asked for forgiveness. I told him I forgive him and I told him he could have his toy. His eyes lit up and he smiled.

I think this was a really good moment of training. It showed him sin, lying, confession, forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation. We could both look at the word of God and consider our condition and our hope. We have also prayed as a family to help us fight against our sin. Against lying. We’ve talked about our conscience and listening to our “inner alarm.” I hope and pray that Gods spirit guides my children’s hearts and minds as they grow older. I pray that they can look back on these moments and find joy in the love and mercy of God for them. I pray that they see Christ as treasure. I pray they cling to him.

Indeed, this is a fight for their hearts and minds. This is a constant practice and battle to lead them with the word and in humility. This is hard as a parent. It’s easy to feel that they need to have it all together, even though we ourselves don’t have it all together. It’s easier to boss them around because they are small. I need to remember continually that I am a sinner leading a sinner. I need Jesus and forgiveness just like my children. Maybe even more. If you have kids I pray that you will find encouragement today and that we can be parents of grace and patience.

Stay strong my friends and cling to Christ!