You Can’t Give Your Children What You Don’t Have
Reflections on Deuteronomy 6 and fatherhood
You Can’t Give Your Children What You Don’t Have
I’ve been reflecting on Deuteronomy 6 lately and I noticed something pretty simplistic but also very important.
When I read chapter 6, my default thought is usually,
“Man, how can I get better with family devotions?”
It’s easy for me to instantly picture gathering my kids around the table, opening the Bible, and trying to have a meaningful time together. And while that’s not a bad thing, I believe that I may have missed the larger heart of what God is saying to fathers.
Look carefully at how the passage is structured:
God doesn’t start by saying,
“Teach your children My words.”
Rather, He starts with the father:
“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart” (Deuteronomy 6:6).
What a significant and often overlooked foundation. The command to teach your children comes second.
God is telling every father that you can’t give your children what you don’t have.
As fathers we need to remember, if God’s word isn’t alive and treasured in our own hearts, we will have very little eternal value to pass on to our children. Indeed, many things compete for a father’s heart these days: long hours at work, sports, endless entertainment, and all the weird hobbies. These things can easily take over a father’s heart without him even realizing it.
More than this, you can read the Bible to your kids every day, but if your heart is consumed with work, chasing the next promotion, scrolling on your phone, watching games, feeding some secret addiction, or battling lust, your children will feel the disconnect. They’ll sense that Dad’s heart is somewhere else (this battle I know very well as I continue to just read and write from day-to-day).
This also explains why so many fathers say they “don’t know how” to do a devotional time with their children. They even feel stuck and awkward when they try. But that struggle often comes from the same root issue: their own heart isn’t full of God’s Word.
More importantly, when our hearts are dry as a father, we don’t have anything real to give to our children. Again, we can’t provide what we don’t personally know and love. We can’t lead our children into something we’re not living ourselves.
Jesus said, “Everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40). That verse should make every father really consider what that means for his family. We are teachers, men. Indeed our children are becoming like us. They’re watching what we actually treasure. We can’t trick them. They see where our time, energy, and affection really go.
This is why God makes the command in Deuteronomy 6 so all-consuming. He tells fathers to talk about His words when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down at night, and when you rise up in the morning. He’s describing a life so saturated with God that His truth naturally flows out into every ordinary moment of the day.
Now, just so we’re clear, I’m not saying you have to become Ned Flanders. You don’t need to walk around the house quoting Bible verses in a high-pitched voice and calling your kids “neighborinos.” That’s not what this is about.
Rather a saturated life removes any possibility of faking it. Fathers, your life, filled with love for Christ, is the curriculum. We don’t have to be perfect, but we need to be men who are honestly walking with God. We need to be men whose hearts are being shaped daily by His Word instead of by the world.
How are we doing with this?
The most important thing we can do for our children is not to perfect our family worship time like it’s a thing to add to our lives. But, more importantly we need to make sure our own hearts are full of God and let the worship that flows from this, be the genuine worship we spread to our kids.
Because in the end, we simply can’t give our children what we don’t have.
So make it your daily priority to be in the word and in prayer. Chase hard after Christ with everything you have. Read the Scriptures not just so you can teach your children, but because you desperately need Him yourself. Fight to keep your heart from being stolen by work, entertainment, hobbies, lust, or anything else that tries to take God’s place.
Cling to Christ with all you have, because the more you abide in Him, the more His life will flow through you into your children.